Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I will pee on everything he values.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
