i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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