ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
