ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
