just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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