"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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