so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
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Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
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YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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