I looked at my own cervix.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
