Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
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Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
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I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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