I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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