if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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