Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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