Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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