shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
