I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
