sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
