seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
