I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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