He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
