I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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