I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
