Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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