I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
