you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
