he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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