your room smells of hookers.
And success
i think i have herpe
just one?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
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You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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