too bad you live with your parents still
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I miss vodka workout Fridays
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
