dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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