this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
