Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
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We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
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Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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