for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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