dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
