dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
