my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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