I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
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I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
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i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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