It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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