i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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