She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
where are my eyebrows?
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