YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
