i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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