I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
