you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
