I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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