First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
