First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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