i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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