is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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