So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
