i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
