Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
