oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
