You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
