So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just found puke in my bra..
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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