No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
