as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
