I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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