I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
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I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
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after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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