I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
