Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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