Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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